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Accident again, just like yesterday again, just like yesterday conception of time ll come again     heroing with nothing but absence     of history or any other sense     leaving & no thing more te go     tomorrow s going te be unknown again, just like yesterday again, just like yesterday conception of time ll come again lp back Adapted letter Dear sweet oh what does it matter you know just as well what I mean you are a stranger to me and yet I know you through and through t   u     r       n           yourself                         back                                   to                                       me I soil the guitar with a blood form mime finkers I xan hardly blay s   i     n       k         a             l                 o                     n                         g                             w                                 i                                     t                                         h                                           m                                             e                                               t                                                 o                                                     t                                                       h                                                         e                                                             h                                                                 a                                                                     t                                                                         e                                                                             t                                                                                 h                                                                                     a                                                                                         t                                                              I                                                                                                 feel why don't you hit me in my face                   I despise your smiiillleeee love me do you believe me if I say that I am crying I don't dare asking anymore here am I where are you? the squandered drain of pent-up statements of love overflows the chilly ice-entombed surface in snow-covered fields filled with once flowering days of contentment and drowns my final torrent of words ! kiss dream bed squall calls squalls call                                                                                                                          s                                                                                                                              in   anity           d ma   dess                                                                                                                              k    l                                                                                                                          s   unk b asted I don't mean it I only mean what you think I should sorry I forgot myself was left just with you and that was too much for me honey will you ever think of me once in a while ? jos hustings back A maze of getting on te awake with sadness in your eye disappointid, standing on your own turning all gratuities aside preferring te wander all alone     anyway,     sun s a rising     sounds a turning into noise     night s a dying     one s feeling te have no choice     no way of escaping     te hide the morn of a new day     no delaying     no time te mourn or te stay     love s a dying     & a growing somewhere else     someone s a sighing     the other has but happiness te tell     a poet a rising     trying te line your way     might be exciting     finding it wont be in vain lp back A New Model what do you want where do you care in an orderly setup of thoughts does only feeling matter put it all in congress of disputable remnants conduct as a way of behaving might as well suppose we are doomed to act and the program has finally restored all the matters of interest and the life of words as oldfashioned relics behave yourself and leave all excuses wrapped up in a plastic bag to me your eyes could be filled with a chemical fluid and age means dying and I'm not young anymore I am older what does it mean where does it hurt in mechanical aspects of view do only senses matter get it all in progress from regressive compulsion emotion as a means to expression has finally come to the stage of no respect and the answers are constantly involved to analyze the prophecy that man's life's a revolutionary exit behave yourself and leave all excuses wrapped up in a plastic bag to me your eyes could be filled with a chemical acid and age means dying and I'm not young anymore I am older and what does it mean to you cellar rats there's rats converting your cellar they're killing me with devouring teeth killing wax there's wax that drips from the ceiling it's killing you with consuming heat publicide and there's a publicidal movement going on for ages and what does it mean to you jos hustings back A Nightmare Song in order of appearance: a. twilightflightrehearsal b. subconscience-escaping-procedure             it's behind a clockwork                 seconds scream a nightmare song c. final flightphase d. flightfailure through weakening e. subconscience-capturing-procedure f. from borderline to summarizing g. twilight-dawn-fights h. dawnflightrehearsal da capo al fine             will you crumble me in? jos hustings back Arkham house what heroes are not concerned with romantic adventure, dramatic incident they got someting te tell you it may be hard te explain what desire to public faith the basic trouble of any hero is that he can lose his pride for he got something te tell you or at least he acts as if he has in the reach for fatal success- seeing ceasars empire a growing napoleon followed behind he got something te tell you tho he didnt always succeed there s more than what misery quasimodo climbing his tower frightening paris in the night he got something te tell you tho his love is all he has maybe it isnt so aimless now groucho is always goodlooking he looks for ladies everywhere he got something te tell them wants te show all he can laughable to the final end- now nothing is left except relics of the dead & hosts of the dying it has something te tell you heroically reviving the past echoing all but the counterpart- lp back Can I take you home woman can I take you home we talked so intensely through the night you were so sad lately, and by talking to me at last you knew life was worth living for so please let me take you home I'm so afraid to go back to my room all alone jos hustings back Celestial city sounds sound shot through by a rare sad light forced te return to a point within itself     sad city sorrow     desolatid row withstanding valueless violence never-ending search for source (of) understanding any judging force still demanding te share a chance     sad city sorrow     desolatid row indestructible a belief te get released from society & its ignorance te find ye soul in its decadence te think you or it got something te reveal     sad city sorrow     desolatid row beginning te write regardless reply unconscious of praevious doubt no coherence te wonder about never knew what had made ye decide     sad city sorrow     desolatid row pale face, no time te conceal no thing te refuse or te prove sharpened distrust a worrying you contrition about; fatal conceit     sad city sorrow     desolatid row ye ran from north to south wall in speed ye happened te think ye had the need never wondered aboutatoedtown yed seen senescent city sounds didnt mean what yed expectid them te be, i guess as if ye knew what facts ye had te regret     sad city sorrow, someone s alone     desolatid row, on his/its own lp back Clear of bitterness Like to see your breasts jump up and down while running in wood see the nipples leave traces in your T-shirt like to wear it day and night to smell the sweat you drove into it and the photograph next to my bed of your naked body's still waiting for my masturbation but I won't cry I can handle my frustrations I can handle my frustrations well enough I can handle my frustrations well enough to keep my mind clear I can handle my frustrations well enough to keep my mind clear of bitterness clear of bitterness clear of bitterness - by repeating I can change clear of bitterness - my Emotions to Ratio clear of bitterness - it's a self-help therapy clear of bitterness - and I wonder if anybody noticed bitterness jos hustings back Countershade I Right at this moment I remember myself very clearly     mere countershade exchanged with sanity but it makes no difference really there's not a thing left to lean upon or to return to I sometimes have to scream at myself that I am not alone but who did I meet in more than sight or words or touch it is always I that I seem to feel around me but inside me is all I have gathered or lost so at this time concerning myself as far as doubt goes mere depth or altitude but meaningless hollow it makes no difference really I have to reassure myself that I am not exposing but what did I say to more than critics and laughter it is always I that I seem to encounter and outside me is all I have written or forgotten II to try and get hold of another prospect what can paranoia be mistaken for? jos hustings back Deception but half the time the other half wasnt te be understood no thing te do, te figure out instead an invisibility of yoy praesumeabli critical analysis must precede in part by comparison willingli te hide the subject guess, te force one te carry on what cld be said of you without holding any deceit in mistaken points of view in praejudice which want te lead one from you lp back Direction nowhere She who never changes should be given a chance I am never asking, prepared to die summertimes are greedily spent autumns though are scarcely used years needed to realize what I'd missed imploded to love she met a fuse that burning could hardly wait to start a fire killing myself in deadly waiting using my selfcontrol 'till later somehow the urge had grown to look for a better way she who never changes should be given a second chance questions later so often rose summertimes are hardly cheap autums though are sadly rare lost in a dead-end ceiling of what I'd built in order to succeed she was there tearing at my eyes I settled down direction nowhere dying 'till later I could have sworn I was living she got my brains to work on her subject times had arrived to shake my love awake and to look for a better way jos hustings back Ever so incomplete A look through the sun to bathe in its warmth anything to comprehend the strength of it all ever so incomplete a part of the world maybe unknown everything convenient to those who are blind it's ever so incomplete almost a prince of imagined reigns somewhere a slight idea of power hallucinations far too real conquer a land of soberness life to live and die live to die for life die to love for life feet on the ground dreaming away every time illusions fade following truth it's ever so incomplete jos hustings back Flux I cannot see what's coming Do I stand to lose or gain? Patterns are rearranging Refraining from each known refrain Balances are shifting and the weight's never the same How to motivate a life Which road, what better claim? Reassigning values opens up alternate routes choice and truth and randomness hurl themselves about I cannot see what's coming Do I drift or do I guide Am I a poor designer If I fail to draw my lines I am in a center As is everyone around Overlapping circles How people throw themselves about! Colliding, breaking, entering, territorial wars Embracing and accepting Making room and joining force I guess I would see what was coming if I sealed my circle off But I am alive, constructing borders and demolishing them, again I am alive, constructing borders and demolishing them,constructing borders and demolishing them, at will Mathilde Roza back Grandiose Pantomime unknown deviations te be explored, in what direction; with one consent, te look for shape of deflection-     grandiose pantomime,     the village followed behind;     entertaining hillbilly:     mobilized te paralize;     focusing attention sky-high,     era of quasiness in spotlight     plus surrealistic an episode     (dictionaries te explode);     receptive exponents     avoiding any concern- flash of lighning blues, lady a singing, te forget the pain of a homeless wanderer, a lover, the idea that no thing ll change- unknown deviations te be explored; aimless idea against patriotic romanticism, te reach for liberty-     micky, satisfied a mouse,     medicine near by;     rock & roll sound,     forced up any time;     competition & survival     loveless ballads in return,     sentimental hangover,     violent image te occur;     serious a moment,     (antidote) a coincidence;     wistful eleanor     going astray with no friends;     solitude one day in one life,     te be saved from despair     besides, being at odds: pride of decadence     vanity te defend;     in a previous argument     (gesture) with what other friends- persephone; established revelation; closed labyrinths; providing symbolisms; ovide, what infernal consequence- unknown deviations te be explored, invincible opinions, undermining the purpose: the killing of what vengeance-     a graceful aeroplane,     blowing your mind away;     dodo creatid the crown;     inviolable lenely crowd;     disobeying icarus, feeling the pain     (of) death-like fire; te dislocate;     fighting typical issues,     warehouzis misused, hopelessli failed;     attitudes & doctrines,     one has te know what difference- progress, it did work; wastid times splendidli described; desired questionless; looked for interest (extemporized); unknown deviations te be explored; a portrait of period of prosperiti, beyond spheres of intellect-     whispered wisdom     (orthodox enough);     issuing sinn of lucifer,     lyrical climax;     velvet venture underground,     lost in whatever crowd;     beautiful manners, detailed;     explaining not te be afraid;     bowery theaters,     too dark te make one see;     affectionate appearance,     heroical oddity;     being victorious     audience playing goliath.     travelling from image     to image (restless); te collect     anything that is usefull     if it cld increase what fame- weeping eyes, external part of your pain, te set your mind at ease; fragments of distrust, te be condemned or neglectid at least- lp back Immediate Knowledge immediate knowledge in here hearsay overthere, near you wonder how te get through misunderstanding s te fear lp back Internal Capsule a. Threat     Sometimes when you let your thoughts find their own direction you feel the fear where they might lead you to     and meantimes you desintegrate while your system crumbles you are the fear you are     everything inside     and the brakes,         almost desperately,     take care of you slowly rearrange you to a more insecure system with a warning from now it may touch you and stay out of sight it's an immobile creature         or an active ... passion b. Dead Pride Cold breathless cold life is strong as fear change a subtle time death moves on            but I am not forsaking who I am slowly they come, offering a chance fighting for humanity and rights             killer hide your words             mine won't loose their grip on yours             with a scenery behind me of masquerades I feel my pride what's it worth I have no choice but to feel it inside c. Research my selfdefence though carefully built needs restoring so it seems odd to break it down stone by stone to uncover doors I never went through still carrying keys (to unlock them) and stones and corruption to keep the situation under control by building new walls to search inch by inch inside the maybe dusty                maybe virginal rooms that lay beyond the tension sometimes accumulates and I'm bound to undergo the storm that ravages behind each door to throw them down? drag me to the endless cosmos inside so far I managed and don't know for how long d. Near Transparency Candlefire warms this page the icicle attaches to it a clarification or capitulation - the implosion of the skeleton -                        to the immobile creature ready to strike - what am i afraid of? i see myself and name what I know everything else passes by still but fingers point and are about to shell the skeleton the tension grows when i listen e. Alteration how long do impasses take the other one is on the alert just before i'll fall asleep it will overmaster me and when i wake up again i can't re-tell 'cos my hand stops writing the moment my body relaxes i parasite can't handle my parasites abusing all energy that could have released me the wrestling takes longer it won't be easy on me neither when my hand writes the last sentence and later on drops the pencil     tonight i shall know him     i feel him coming     i must go now f. Cosmotics the capsule shrinks and expands painwaves twinges of alarm no wall or even curtain a pellicle too tenuous     fragile reeling i am more frightened even a pressure and movements thoughts not mine the parasite consumes the resistance still weak     i am a genius     with flying thoughts     flooded by mankind     no tight grip     and exalted beyond it     i am superior completely dependant they take me away from where i thought i left illusions ne certitude but death rousing me     dance of death, flood of thoughts     i am the emperor     everything is in my hands, but paralyzed casually he knocks on the door of my room i have no more stones and if i open the door, the whirlpool, too the last door will give way     i am God     caught in my omnipotence the brakes don't work now     i am a child     afraid in darkness, noone to hear me g. Skeleton Implosion why did i scream into emptiness it does hurt, though because it's so different it feels so crowded     will         presently             the implosion                 come i am definitely on my own i believe he has kicked down everything but i'm still here in darkness i didn't need that don't need it now i want to look look at myself where's the creature? the storm is over ruins i guess but clean i am not grown yet but i'm stronger strange pain but great though where do i begin h. The Warning the chance is here questions remain we'll complete them in a while time is mine behind every door of the new labyrinth the creature grows immobile and inevitable no walls to avert the cold i myself must be warm it stays out of sight but may touch me             the warning remains             at danger                 slowly unraveled system             but efficiently         an active ... passion cautiously i peer over the edge at last i shall know him but as it's lying there it looks closely like me jos hustings back It makes me laugh Everything that matters isn't quite abundant looking like the centre of a crowded city whereever a signpost indicates all directions staring at the castle of a middle-aged village smashing wall to wall need a bit of council every single mute man cries a yell of fear if it ever happens guide me I am blind jos hustings back Jennys face at this point negotiations become confusing seems te be mislaid by romantic vision: a thousand differencis, te be realised one poetic farewell te get hold of jennys eye depending on increasing chaos no doubt working tho waiting every hour revise a mind indefatigabli te reach for jenny explicitli te attack tyrannies of a not-knowing anxious te know where te be a going in changing eyesight & point of view te look for jenny & all she will do balancing unstable visions, te escape from modern mind & its shape te return to distinguished levels for its jennys face that seems te matter the feeling which arrests the mind in the presence of its speculative side te regain control, a finalli te laugh with jenny lovingli lp back L'apotheose exiles letter; notes; inventing a poem traceable lines in whatever comes near search for reason, or else te be doomned visions of deceivable doubt te be feared     what is done cannot be undone     no way te defend     or te escape     te be condemned     no point in faith     what is done cannot be undone     or for all that shldnt i wait     might be wondering what has been done     or for all that shld i have te be afraid detained hero; solitude; circles te go stream of diffusing energy, no strength suicide; not playing but being a hero no act; te be loved at length     what is done cannot be undone     no concession     no thing te confess     no detached passion     te be expressed     what is done cannot be undone     nevertheless shldnt i try te stay     might be wondering what has been done     & never knew what else i shld have to say lp back Last Triangle I Yes     the mess completed systematically almost planned, you took everything from me         until - enough to turn to - you had no further need of me to me it's as if you took away my best friend the warnings even by telephone she knew though taking my part even in my words I heard them not for once realising they were meant for me a one by one persuasion of your injuries and my unsparing weapons         but all the more pathetic         for your blindness, denying         until - enough to be guarded by - you had no further need of me to me it's as if you took away my best friend the burden of being secretive once open, blaming that on being closed do we see more than we're willing to spontaneously the irony of fate to be thrown out the way I was held within         your body a symbol         or metaphor now visualised         until - how much shown of yourself - you had no further need of me to me it's as if you took away my best friend yes the mess completed almost knowingly you took them from me         until - provided with mere impressions         implanted in their brains they'll have no further need of me to me it's as if you took away my best part II I've gone through all of this before yet fascinating how every image completes the picture or how everything has remained exactly as it was then maybe even every movement or way of looking except of course the change throughout memory with you behind me and no feeling of having left nor the atmosphere around in your room or on route the walk and now pain melts itself inside I am not older now it seems is it still no common gesture to hold your hand am I now the fool I remember as myself there must be a way to express a way I can't recall to describe the roots or the leafs I can't prevent from falling but knowing you would have told me should reassure me III             so in the end     everything seems to fit in after all         but what is left     is not as brave as hope is on physical exception our intimate hide-out's attraction has failed more than to wonder I gather my feelings insatiably and Narcissus would leave you and mirror himself for days from another point of reflection and bathe himself in remembering the beauty-mirage of your naked daring         but what did you fortify         false masculine remnants         or a pilgrims' resort maybe the hermit's border near the emperor's realm on occasional hight-tides when answers included a mutal aim all the more menaced I loved you ambiguously and the Outsider felt himself covered and ready to rape your mind thoroughly and pain afterwards in remembering the stripped masquerade of your façade's breakdown         but what did you long for         false female confirmation         or a life-time insurance maybe the empress's command over misfit reality             so eventually     everyone seems to fit in         after all he lies in between reality's dilemma though asleep he chooses a part of his life-work but we won't say it was by accident would we so he 'wakes and acts on impulse while everyone refuses to accept it as final so in the end life is my mirror where she looks at myself her eyes hold no promise I don't expect her to be better I just hope it will be different jos hustings back Mooneater a. Introspection to know yourself ill in fact it begins with that a deep inevitable secret  for noone to know                                      for noone to understand                                      for noone to explain the secret's no problem, though a basic wrongness merely the essential mistake of how your qualities are composed to mention it makes you strong, denying you're really sick you're so much confused and you don't dare to share it with anyone because you're afraid they might take it worse and lock you up mooneater dreams in daylight sudden visions surroundings changing into new patterns strange and known at the same time mooneater you talk with him he speaks to you children's fantasy at day once he taught you to fly you know you can't fly, too often you forget and that.....must be sickness to know and forget at the same time to know one can't fly and feel it can't be the same for you, in fact it begins with that jos hustings (based on Hannes Meinkema's novel: Maaneter back Mourning glory You're leaving, good morning baby, less than a cry no need to be mourning sorry I'm in a hurry you're strange in a nightgown maybe I'm not alone only your eyes can see me naked or dressed no matter how you like me my heart's been closed it's time to go before you know I'm bound to cry you're better this morning baby and better off I'm not supposed to say goodbye to my love and stranger than ever you're completely dressed only your eyes are taking off not you yourself lend me your thoughts to sleep with I'm so alone it's time to leave to go to say goodbye to cry jos hustings back Narcissus Re-Scutinized i can't see but tricks in their eyes      no statement      no beauty even sometimes rivals in challenge do i have to choose                     yet                     somewhere inthere                     has to lie a future                     not in learning by comparing                     she keeps telling me but still no clairvoyance so why do i have to choose                     mantralike thoughts                          repulsion                               rejection                          reluctant                     repeating their replay it didn't take me any further than mirrorcracks                     so                     however, resisting                     i should reintegrate, no reinforcement                     and renounce myself to re-establish she keeps telling me guess i'll turn my mystic approaches into equal-chance combat jos hustings back Never take me home If you are the last one you're a fool to touch me you could make it, so much better but your desperation crawls around keep an eye on what you feel if it's me you can't see you can take me if you want to bring yourself to life but never take me home jos hustings back No less I feel my way around I stumble through the darkness A candle and a neonlight Illuminate my path, my rise, my fall Doors of perception failed to open in that instant The specks of doubt that jammed the lock Still float around the heart, the mind, the soul. Fat men are waging battle over claims of wisdom And truth gets up and walks right out and packs her bags and boards the next train home. Hot on the trail The poet sits down in his parlor The writer Microsofts the words The singer sighs her songs The painter drips I know a school of thought And you know quite another We meet half-way, politely pause We shake our hands but afterwards our heads Appropriation is completely inappropriate Renaming things is naming things The blessed rage for order orders us I feel my way around I stumble through the darkness A candle and a neonlight Illuminate my path, my rise, my fall Mathilde Roza back Not allowed te practice not allowed te practice mental pain s to be feared te look nice in uniform as if it shld be sincere mental pain s to be feared saint-like mystery (in) a sad silence; café regular customers crowded together every day (in) a sad silence; café     didnt happen te pass too often     didnt want any time te waste     looked at/for too many facis     a thousand differencis te be traced a dying evening everything has taken its place no need te wonder no thing te feel but disgrace everything has taken its place willingly te worry about artificial serious eyes might feel insecure what other distrust is te rise about artificial serious eyes     didnt happen te pass too often     didnt want any time te waste     looked at/for too many facis     a thousand differencis te be traced not allowed te practice mental pain s to be feared te look nice in uniform as if it shld be sincere lp back One Way Screen I drew the curtains almost too late I nearly got caught in the act and the part was an alphabet the words failed to fit in I alost got killed but just in time I turned off the lights jos hustings back Overcrowd It's so crowded inhere can't even play my mind         out of here     if concentration     not more than regressive compulsion plays the indignation role I saw so much within a one way chaos what am i doing here where am i going now is there no way out there's no way back seems no way through I'm living in a madman's jail i can only see    if i get a chance    to gain jos hustings back Paradoxical Autumn Birth Be my son     hand-made child you 'woke your mother yesterday it made her laugh so loud     silence held its breath follow me     heaven's child emerging from my passionate sea creating such a beauty     must have cost you pain light the rain hand over my coat to cover all I have left lean on me wade the lake leave the night into another day fishermen     sacrifice burn your nets in dignity keep your solemn vows     and find us a home bring your love     still asleep dawn for every man in me soon my warmth will vover you     I'll see to your health summer dies premature from birth far too old to live anew next to me you shall sleep inside you I shall grow The day I'll die Behind a mask of ritual senselessness is it life to grow up enclosed in fear the day I'll die I know you'll cry The day I'm blind you'll leap behind seven days will I be older then seven rains drowning a face of tears the day I'm deaf I know they'll laugh the day I'm dead you won't forget fight men heaven has a welcome to martyrs die men every link of life is broken it is something to live for to escape from a never found love it is something to die for to waste a never-had dream satin skins soften a brutal thirst desert dust whenever believes explode the day I'll die I know I'll cry the day I give time to live jos hustings back Pre-vacuum So the daylight's come to pass in Hampstead Heath grow pentagons her little sister pulls a chord     and hears again take my hand so the daylight's come to pass from Tower Hill fall pentagrams through crossroad words and market place     to you take my hand through a tunnel metal speed can I lie there for just a hotdog's meal and sun de-cadence I can't play so the daylight's come to pass connections cut from Pantheons on smog to howl a hungerpain     for you take my hand jos hustings back Purpose, what title pockets a bulging with manuscripts a little suitcase in my hand soon te be lost in a crowd anonymous hardli any personal accent on tour with a bundle of papers uneasili a holding under my arm a crowd an air of conspiracy forcing one te get alarmed nevertheless no tide a turning didnt seem to be serious enough still, undoubtidli a leading one into excess into blind spots     a writing my time     crises following behind guess it wld weigh heavily upon me besides, no use in taking to flight dont know how te stand it dont know how hard ive tried pockets a bulging with manuscripts a little suitcase in my hand dont know how te stand it dont know what shld have been said lp back Remove the candle Your face hides a smiling shade your warmth reflects another smell from your body I can hardly leave and your leafs wont't fall now I'm not allowed to shake your head so light your eyes remove the candle look up, around us the darkness creeps your arms create another shape from your pillow you can hardly leave and my tears won't fall now please watch your hand it breaks my nerves remove your eyes and light the candle jos hustings back Ritmus slow Ritmus beats of crawling hearts streaming blood in crackled veins crumbled up emotions with slow down visions he pointed only with his eye the shook me up made me scream and put me in a dream foggy voices got the cowered cow by his horns heavy heels hit me on my place paths petitions places me (charlot) slow slaughter burning breath from her chest she shivered locked me up inside her room running rowing out through shattering shades and forced to face the straight-ahead way so turning back inside of which is but hollow ground female illusions far too few far too much safety so left with cries I'm bound to leave and keep it in my heart (jos) note: lyrics were written by charlot and jos separately, at the same time charlot rutten / jos hustings back Second Fantasy's Movement All my faces cried to make her sing out another tune and now a conversation takes a footstep along the sand it's easy take a sip of an awful drink a CD joke takes a little time as every journey makes you wander I shall be on my way always a changing entertainment I'll be beyond your sight uneasy endlessy on a movie scene from this reality I've escaped once more Emily played I looked for her where ever she's to be found bottles of dynamite emerged from Liberty's open mouth there always seems to be a second empty bed and every time I sleep I shouldn't be alone jos hustings back Short Breath balancing Somewhere the survey is gone it ends with disturbance there's no beginning      no prospect      just hope to be with you, once, forever dead or alive, it doesn't matter catching up with time leaves me short of breath what comes behind now will end with disturbance there'll be no ending      no inside      just out being alone or in love it doesn't matter catching up with you leaves me short of breath I promised you once to end up inside you does it make sense now      you're out there      not inhere does to be with me cost you more than you can matter catching up with life leaves me short of breath (somewhere between the rights I caught a glance of youre eyes inside their looks I needed to carry on and maybe tried out my needs amazingly restless and somewhere so calmly my mind's on a turn to understand the wrongs if I love you I shouldn't be sad at all somewhere inside the worst I took a part of your love I knew the pain it would cause too well still beyond that I couldn't care incredibly happy and somewhere so sadly my brains had been chained to a taste of the best if you love me I shouldn't be alone at all somehow we were sincere and gave the best we could feel and I could take away your doubts and make you feel safe with me unable to comfort you and somewhere so preciously my life's been rearranged with desires to lie but I love you you shouldn't be upset at all) jos hustings back Silent Revolutions part 1 your eyes are screams of silent riddles locked up behind windstill screens I can only listen to them part 2 between then and now your eyes have grown from silence they broke through sadness into future and there's a penetrating mist inside this penetrated house      where tears and laughter hardly synchronize      with love, distrust and emptiness is too filled a word to be empty and I know      that my emptiness           means everything                that matters most                     of unvoiced                          affection part 3 what are the questions where are the answers oh I wish you wouldn't say you were writing my symphony and I wished you wouldn't say you were writing my novels I wish you wouldn't say that you'ld like to dance with me and I wished you hadn't said you'ld want to live with me      and the rest of us are answering your phone      and the rest of us are answering your phone with unquestionable answers I don't want to sleep with you I'd like you to say that you'ld like to wake with me and I wished you wouldn't say you like my hair, my eyes, my hands I wished you wouldn't feel I could expect you would express all that through action      and the rest of us are answering your phone      and the rest of us are answering your phone with unquestionable answers jos hustings back Slow Gun prologue it doesn't do us any good now does it act 1 I can see him in a moment he'll strike goddammit! interlude 1 the big dissolution or desillusion it used to be act 2 she's looking at me awaiting the chance she has already lost interlude 2 there's no freedom except for adapts act 3 I can see myself down in basements whirling on for Christ's sake she can see him in a moment he'll break big sucker interlude 3 and freedom lies in the act to the power of will act 4 - epilogue and so today the curtains fell among the crowd sat the empress she ruined all acts under her eyes he finally cried he was no actor jos hustings back Somewhere consequences These are somewhere consequences to avoid some subtle chances inside heads and keeping discrete distance knowing love and how it might hurt         but watching phones as threatening attacks     how does time conduct in timeless     spaces and revolting phrases     where am I to go         Can you tell me when it dies all permitting situations no soft and penetrating attention not to touch and hardly reaching knowing darkness and how it flees for light         but almost locked behind a windstill screen     how does love behave in restless     senses or reduced commitment     how am I to know         Can you tell me when it dies jos hustings back Song intermezzo     waiting home     waiting home     who s waiting home     coming home     coming home     wont be alone     wont be alone     wont be alone lp back Spiral Motion Initiative your eyes are screams of silent accusations locked up behind icecold screens I can only withdraw from them jos hustings back Stuck in the Revolution of a Spiral Motion No it's not true no it's not real if she thinks to be partners takes two to believe the other states there are borders at which we may fight fights for power. fights to defend to attack and destroy No it's not true no it's not real I can hear words I hear words I hear methods and theories they vomit the virus into the world and infect it with individuality as an epidemic but I hear dogs barking I hear dogs howling as the traffic mutes and the sub-atomic loneliness screams into the night with modern words words of this age for women and men that don't live anymore while imagining they're awake No it's not true no it's not real I am never alone my magic thoughts can call you anytime I want to and you're with me, inside me but I don't have the power to make you disappear so your face keeps on crawling through your face keeps on crawling through it keeps on crawling through my mind the obsession of identity with hunger for a new model and stuck in the revolution of a spiral motion No it's not true no it's not real the lies and the fire in your eyes as you tell your fairy tales about the seasons how seasons change how seasons change me every season changes you and every season makes me grow every season makes me grow older there's a spiral motion in your head try to understand     the spiral of violence     the spiral of peace     the spiral of empty culture     and empty art so in every heart homes a fascist and how am I not involved no it's not true no it's not real I hear plants whisper future's conspiracy I hear hearts beating for after Hitler's resurrection in consequence of killing structures and strangling systems                                                         I can no longer state my fears and what else have I got but despair I'll be a man no longer, I'll be no woman ever maybe a baby crawling back a penis withdrawing or a vulva closing there's a spiral motion around you try to dance with it     the spiral of disconnecting     of being asleep     and being man or woman no it's not true no it's not real I hear fighting I hear cynics dying I hear them singing there's no way back all the Nietzsches and Foucaults give me a hand so we can laugh together to save you from drowning in children and household you're so vulnerable we could melt into a new generation or dissolve into a new pattern of dance or disintegrate into a new predestination I can see no other destiny in making love jos hustings back Symptoms of a dawning love Resting on a pillow hiding shame about a long forgotten era that was never lost changes left outside the love I felt for someone more than I had been aware of there's been changes rather simplified by other dreams realised how much a smile frequently could complicate someone's love after all I slept too long I am not ready to arrive calling when her name was lost a silent resurrection grew she is too vage meanwhile dying I had no reason to survive within two-sided sympathy she had never wanted to show her feelings hidden deeply in het twilight mind leaving her defeated she was there beyond my reach realised how much a smile frequently could complicate someone's love after all a friday spring a sunday autumn never beats felt my hesitation grow a symptom of a dawning love she is too far jos hustings back The Cyclic Entanglement The trap is where the mind is a dramatic scene of social masterpieces where did you hide your choices if nothing works out The act is played where you withdraw a fanatic study of identity crises when did you leave your questions if nothing works out The pain roots where the heart beats relational aspects of personal development why did you support your feelings if nothing works out Truth is where the mask drops dynamic movements through static impasses who do you try to withhold if nothing works out jos hustings back Transference what focal situation is te be described momentary vision, perhaps too intimate anyway, artificial reconstructions in stead of experienced points of view or in a way clinical definitions in spite of chaos, te get through situation of trying te freeze imagiz which seem te occure rareli, obviousli (re)sourciz te turn from speculative to sensuous moment, no other way te go unless one wants te lead the creative by knowledge everyone already knows nevertheless te try te come to terms with art before willing te practice te act, in this, in a strange way rather forced than by faith forced te surpass, just te get away curiousli conscious what attention te pay te be realistic in a special sense in making some words to a sentence a dealing with details te remain in touch with suggestive backgrounds recreating lines which want te say too much, guess te stay around born te free oneself from influenciz te make an apriori approach, senseless outlines te get filled with phrasiz & transfigured with associations te pass through a renascence te understand what focal situation lp back Unchangeable change never turning around burning everything down thinking ye got nothing te hide never changing this point of view being homeward bound all will be unchanged found thinking youve been running before time but still ye wld have your past te hide lp back Wounded bird The way you held my hand As if it were a little wounded bird That you would care for Until it could fly away The tenderness I felt was so selfless and involved yet somehow tragic Who are you? You do not seem to have any faith Don't you believe you can have things your way When you try There's giving, there's offering, there's helping And then yielding, submitting, surrendering. How about needing, asking, receiving How about caring for yourself? Cause when you held my hand as if it were a little wounded bird You gave me so much That you couldn't face the loss and flew away No you couldn't face the loss and flew away Mathilde Roza back (Yesterday te wait) daybreak, guess i gotta open my eyes my ears have te stand the pain of every cloudburst in every sky but i dont want te get awake     might not think to straight     but who does     & besides, wld it be more easy te understand     get your yesterday te wait     irrational points of view     ll make ye understand the final end encouraging friends are on the do trying te associate every act with ideas they will have of you wont need any time te reflect offensing concurrence in every state youre in dont wonder what good itll do no use in trying te understand besides noone s really interestid in you     might not think to straight     but who does     & besides, wld it be more easy te understand     get your yesterday te wait     irrational points of view     ll make ye understand the final end little lovers disturbing the scene looking for a quiet place pleasing one another within a dream unable te escape radiant strangers special surprise disappearing in the night undoubtidli made me realise what reasons ll make one desire or cry     might not think to straight     but who does     & besides, wld it be more easy te understand     get your yesterday te wait     irrational points of view     ll make ye understand the final end little dazed in the heart of town i knew i had te pass my time tho id te ease circumstancis by now didnt know how te say goodbye shouting heroes in restless streets hardli listening to sounds echoing around i wont i happen te have no need no thing s allowed but your silent sound     might not think to straight     but who does     & besides, wld it be more easy te understand     get your yesterday te wait     irrational points of view     ll make ye understand the final end anyhow, guess youre allowed te impress me though you (nor i) got anything te prepare no thing te explain obviousli apart from you m'lady somehow tired of carrying the poems i wantid te write situations confused my mind looking for a new design wish ye knew how hard i tried what account is te be believed its more & more difficult te separate doings & intentions from ideas i want te hold guess i will find a day te wait lp back Yesteryearing statues that want you te remind a world of some other time walls youve never been in times with some other rhymes conquerors & heroes are te find poet & painter stand behind doubtfull im looking in times with some other rhymes     times have changed     weve taken other heroes     & conquerors too     arent they standing     straight & tall     like all     the others do     but where are the ones     who ought te be on there     lost in your history     leading characters (often) remain unseen     but they dont need but are victory statues that want you te remind a world of some other time walls youve never been in times with some other rhymes conquerors & heroes are te find poet & painter stand behind doubtfull im looking in times with some other rhymes lp back Your softnesss, withdrawn beyond the surface of touchable, comprehensible tension, naked to the reaching aura of my longing and peace together, and its energy, untowering the walls between, tresspassing the newly created space of mind finally entering the now fully unfolded regions of my inner understanding you're so silent jos hustings back